bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
