For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
