By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
