Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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