Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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