..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
