First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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