..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
