Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
