I think i peed on brittanys purse
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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