Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
