If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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