I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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