Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
