Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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