I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize