I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
