woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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