Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
