girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
