He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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