halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
we should paint friendship bongs
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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