false alarm. still invincible.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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