I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
