I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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