I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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