The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
