I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
