Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
