If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
