woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
