Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
third nipple confirmed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
