plz talk dirty to me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize