were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
