Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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