Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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