I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize