I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize