i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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