ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
