he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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