he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there's paper in my vomit.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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