Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
