Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
