so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
