Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
