I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
