Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
