She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
