Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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