I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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