When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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