Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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