so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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