please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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