Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
