Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
