I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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