i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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