the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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