btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
