I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
