She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
