i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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