Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
